Obama Has al-Qaeda Worried

The news that al-Qaeda is not enthused about Obama’s victory must have conservatives scratching their knuckle-heads. Obama, you will remember was the candidate whose dangerous naivete would make us more vulnerable to attack. His habit of “palling around with terrorists” was practically an invitation to commit another 9/11.

I think that al-Qaeda is concerned about the incoming Obama administration. Worried that the U.S. will finally have a president who takes terrorism seriously, they have already begun to lash out.

I wonder what that crazy lady, the one who told McCain that she couldn’t trust Obama because “he’s an Arab” thinks about all this. Actually, I bet she doesn’t think anything about it because a) she doesn’t seem to be much of a thinker and b) chances are she doesn’t read the New York Times.

If al-Qaeda’s endorsement of John McCain wasn’t enough to do it, their racists insults against our President-elect should erase these harebrained notions from the public consciousness once and for all.


Memo to the DNC

You already knew how the Republicans were going to attack Obama at their convention. The real lesson to be learned from the GOP is about Sarah Palin.

Yes, we all thought it was a stupid mistake but now their Palin strategy is clear. McCain is the maverick who can reach across the aisle. Sarah Palin is the ideological heir of George W. Bush. Besides picking apart Palin’s sorry record, you need to portray her as the second coming of Bush just a heartbeat away. Palin’s presence on the ticket is just what you need to cement the narrative McCain-Palin as four more years of Bush.

Go for the jugular!

McCain’s Acceptance Speech

My friends, did I mention I was a POW? You might not have heard since I’m so reluctant to talk about it.

My wife has been irate at me for burying my nose in the computer during the RNC for the past couple of nights, so I have to record my thoughts about McCain’s speech after the fact.

I didn’t have high expectations for him, not after Rudy and Sarah the pit bull last night. I didn’t have high expectations for Cindy either and she did not disappoint.

Side note: who was that Iraq vet holding the sign up in the nosebleed section? He’s my new hero.

McCain didn’t tell his party everything they wanted to hear tonight. Actually, he took a big risk by telling the faithful a lot of what they didn’t want to hear. McCain deserves credit for acknowledging some of the GOP’s failings. Time will tell if he’s made his stamp on the party or if he’s just another Bob Dole.

McCain tried to mock Barack once or twice, after promising to respect him. He should leave the base baiting to Palin. Honestly, I think McCain nearly lost the crowd a couple of times so flaccid was his delivery. He recited the usual litany of conservative grievances on taxes, schools, drilling, reform, spending etc. Mix that with a healthy dose of patriotism and that about sums up the speech. It’s not easy trying to reject Bush and embrace change in a Democratic year when your opponent is as dynamic as Obama.

The best part was the manly American crescendo at the end about standing up or something. McCain seemed to show a quality closely resembling passion.


Diary of a Masochist part deux

Deux – that’s elitistese for two.

Here I am again, hips parked confidently on my sofa in eager anticipation Sarah Palin’s acceptance speech. The killa from Wasilla. The Governor of the corrupt great state of Alaska. Beautiful state, shitty government. Caribou Barbie is going to be our 45th President. A 72 year old man has a 1 in 3 chance of not living until age 80. Maybe if Alaska secedes she can be it’s first female Vice-President.

8:10 – Flip Romney (stooge number one) is telling me that the problem with Washington is that it’s too liberal. I wonder if his magic underwear is too tight. Maybe it’s squeezing his brain because Flip appears to have forgotten who has been running the country for the last 8 years. The GOP is the party of ideas, not big brother. What?!?! Crappy ideas. Liberals are responsible for gas prices and the mortgage crisis. I need a break if I’m going to be able to stick around for Milfy McMooseBurger.

8:17 – USA! USA !USA! USA! McPalin is gonna kick the rest of the world’s ass!

Romney secretly wants McOld to lose so he can run again in 2012.

8:30 – Mike Huckabee (stooge number two) and Flip’s competition next time. Let us pray. Brother Fuckleberry sounds downright friendly. Ahhh, it’s so nice. What are they doing to me, playing good/cop bad cop? Talking to Europeans is bad. We’ll be talking to them a whole lot less when McCain is President. Mike liked FDR, Jesus and Elvis. Crickets. Next?????

9:11 (no joke!!) – Rudolph Giuliani (stooge number three). Skeletor is giving the keynote address. He supports McCain. Maybe he could give McLimp some cheating lessons. USA! USA!

McAncient has dedicated his extremely long life to national service. Did you hear that he was tortured and shot down? Stern look from Mc96yearoldmother. He was in congress too. Community organizers suck. Let’s mock Obama now. Rudy is being mean to my candidate. Rudy deserves a hot poker up the sphincter. Aww, what do I care, let them eat red meat. Skeletor has to get them all revved up for Moose Muffin. Obama may need on the job training but the VPILF sure as heck won’t!

9:17 – Drill, baby drill!!

9:20 – Rudy misquotes Harry Reid about the war being lost. I’m starting to get pissed off.

9:25 – McPalin is going to shake up Washington! How dare they ask whether Palin can care for her non-abstinent kids? Who is they?

9:30 – The Main event. Miss Congeniality is in the house! ShaaaaaWING!!!! I want to do her from behind while threatening to raise her taxes. She’s a christian and a bully! Woo hoo!!!

She sounds a bit robotic. Not saying anything surprising. Muffy’s accent is a little grating. She makes no effort to look like she isn’t reading off a teleprompter. Trig Track Toe off to Eyeraack we go. I like Sarah better when her hair’s piled up. Don’t wear it down anymore, please. There’s Todd, what a doofus. He supports drilling too.

9:38 – Pick it up baby, so far you’re a little underwhelming. I mean I had low expectations already, but come on. The little family introduction is going over like tax hikes. Did she just say Todd has a great package? Jesus, we’re getting her Dad’s autobiography now. Missouri? You’re supposed to be ripping Obama, honey.

9:42 – Hockey, PTA, small town, good grief. She only did PTA for like one year. A small town (meth capital of Alaska) mayor is sorta like a community organizer except a mayor has responsibilities. Like showing your conservative credentials by raising taxes AND creating a huge deficit. By the way, she needed an administrator to help her run a town of 5,000. Do community organizers need those too? Finally some red meat. Let him have it! That’s it?

Not a member of the permanent political establishment (yet). Republicans just hate the establishment. Someone get me a drink. Barracuda wll serve the people. I’m so pissed off tonight I can’t think of anything funny to say.

9:47 – Leave the nation better than she found it? Somebody tell Bush. Palin says she has integrity. Apparently that’s good enough for the repugs. Sarah the reformer! She shook it up. The government of Alaska is now on the side of the people. OK, here’s the list of accomplishments. Wake me up in ten minutes.

11:00 – Damn, parental duties interrupted the second half of boring speech. I know I missed all the good stuff. Will read all about it in the liberal media tomorrow.

Diary of a Masochist

Tonight I forced myself to endure GeeDubya’s prime time RNC address. I have been a bad boy and this is my punishment. I was hoping McCain would get away with his scheme to scuttle the current occupant’s speech; old blood ‘n guts must have been so disappointed that Gustav only limped ashore with a whimper.

For now, I rest comfortably on my sofa, merrily hammering away at my laptop. I wonder if I’ll need some sort of Clockwork Orange device to keep me staring at the screen.

8:40 –  There’s an old guy named Swindle on my TV who was a POW with McCain. They had to eat rats while living in their hole in the Hanoi Hilton. Americans will have to eat rats too if McCain wins.

The repthugs are honoring veterans. Veterans are cool. The GOP should stop using them as props unless they’re going to give them proper benefits. Do they have any respect at all for GeeDumbya’s military service? How many veterans are going to have to stand up before Swindle goes away? Standing veterans are even cooler. This guy Swindle knows how to whip a hall half full of conservatives into a frenzy.

Laura Bush. Shiny red dress. This the woman who spreads her legs for the prez. Laura and I have something in common since Bush has fucked both of us. What does she see in that nimrod? The crowd goes wild – not. The lady gives a better speech than her toungue-tied hubby. “My God” she’s thinking, “George will be out of work soon!” She’s proud that the first female VP will be a Republican woman. It would be weird if it was a Republican man. Where is Larry Craig tonight? Apparently the GOP is the party of women, so long as they don’t want to choose or earn equal pay. Republican women must like being second class.

8:50 – Laura promises facts and “straight talk” about W. If only I could slip her some truth serum. W is the edumacation presidunce. Bush’s Judges, like the ones who appointed Bush in the first place, respect the constitution. 4th amendment schmorth amendment. I can barely take my eyes off of Mrs. Bush long enough to type. W has increased the number of Africans with AIDS medications from 50,000 to 2,000,000. Thank gawd; they’ll need it since he won’t help them prevent infection in the first place by giving them condoms. Iraqis live in freedom because of Bush. Freedom from clean drinking water, electricity…… My head may explode like an IED. No, Bush has kept me safe she says, smiling. Safe from having to worry about whether my email and bank records are private, safe from hurricanes and habeas corpus, safe from having to be taxed to pay for a war. So much easier to borrow the money from China. I feel safe again.

8:55 – Bill Clinton got a five minute standing ovation at his speech, but the GOP means bidness. Shrub stands at his podium, lookin real prezidentshul and just dives right in. He can’t be in St. Paul in person because he’s bizzy overseein’ the relief efferts. The reepublican guvners are  coordinatin’ and everythin’ is peachy. See how much better natural disasters are when the govner of Looziana isn’t a defeatocrat? Bush’s beady little eyes dart around. McCain is a great Amerrkin. Bush loves his mama and daddy.

The decider knows what it takes to be prezdint, see? He reads the presidential daily briefs (pdb) – like the one on 8/6/01 entitled “Bin Laden determined to strike in U.S.” That’s the one Condi couldn’t remember the name of. After being briefed on that pdb the decider decided a decision which was to decide to continue his vacation rather than taking action.
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McCain’s Gamble

I know that conservatives are probably thrilled about McCain’s choice of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate, but I honestly think the decision will lose McCain the election.

The best argument that McCain has against Obama is that he is too inexperienced to be President. Frankly, the only way McCain can win is to create enough doubt in voters’ minds about Obama. That strategy might have worked, but now it’s severely undercut by the selection of Sarah Palin.

McCain isn’t going to be able to use the inexperience argument very effectively when his running mate’s only experience is a stint as mayor and 1.5 years as Alaska Governor. If that wasn’t bad enough, she has no foreign policy credentials at all.

For a 72 year old hopeful President who has had cancer a couple of times, Sarah Palin in the “heartbeat away” seat is going to be a tough sell. Yes, a lousy pick didn’t cost George H.W. Bush the election in ’88, but this is not the ’88 election.

If McCain hopes to attract disaffected Hillary supporters with a woman he’s going to be sorely disappointed. If he just wanted to shake things up by nominating a woman, someone more credible and experienced like Kay Bailey Hutchison or Elizaeth Dole would have been a far better choice.