Diary of a Masochist

Tonight I forced myself to endure GeeDubya’s prime time RNC address. I have been a bad boy and this is my punishment. I was hoping McCain would get away with his scheme to scuttle the current occupant’s speech; old blood ‘n guts must have been so disappointed that Gustav only limped ashore with a whimper.

For now, I rest comfortably on my sofa, merrily hammering away at my laptop. I wonder if I’ll need some sort of Clockwork Orange device to keep me staring at the screen.

8:40 -  There’s an old guy named Swindle on my TV who was a POW with McCain. They had to eat rats while living in their hole in the Hanoi Hilton. Americans will have to eat rats too if McCain wins.

The repthugs are honoring veterans. Veterans are cool. The GOP should stop using them as props unless they’re going to give them proper benefits. Do they have any respect at all for GeeDumbya’s military service? How many veterans are going to have to stand up before Swindle goes away? Standing veterans are even cooler. This guy Swindle knows how to whip a hall half full of conservatives into a frenzy.

Laura Bush. Shiny red dress. This the woman who spreads her legs for the prez. Laura and I have something in common since Bush has fucked both of us. What does she see in that nimrod? The crowd goes wild – not. The lady gives a better speech than her toungue-tied hubby. “My God” she’s thinking, “George will be out of work soon!” She’s proud that the first female VP will be a Republican woman. It would be weird if it was a Republican man. Where is Larry Craig tonight? Apparently the GOP is the party of women, so long as they don’t want to choose or earn equal pay. Republican women must like being second class.

8:50 – Laura promises facts and “straight talk” about W. If only I could slip her some truth serum. W is the edumacation presidunce. Bush’s Judges, like the ones who appointed Bush in the first place, respect the constitution. 4th amendment schmorth amendment. I can barely take my eyes off of Mrs. Bush long enough to type. W has increased the number of Africans with AIDS medications from 50,000 to 2,000,000. Thank gawd; they’ll need it since he won’t help them prevent infection in the first place by giving them condoms. Iraqis live in freedom because of Bush. Freedom from clean drinking water, electricity…… My head may explode like an IED. No, Bush has kept me safe she says, smiling. Safe from having to worry about whether my email and bank records are private, safe from hurricanes and habeas corpus, safe from having to be taxed to pay for a war. So much easier to borrow the money from China. I feel safe again.

8:55 – Bill Clinton got a five minute standing ovation at his speech, but the GOP means bidness. Shrub stands at his podium, lookin real prezidentshul and just dives right in. He can’t be in St. Paul in person because he’s bizzy overseein’ the relief efferts. The reepublican guvners are  coordinatin’ and everythin’ is peachy. See how much better natural disasters are when the govner of Looziana isn’t a defeatocrat? Bush’s beady little eyes dart around. McCain is a great Amerrkin. Bush loves his mama and daddy.

The decider knows what it takes to be prezdint, see? He reads the presidential daily briefs (pdb) – like the one on 8/6/01 entitled “Bin Laden determined to strike in U.S.” That’s the one Condi couldn’t remember the name of. After being briefed on that pdb the decider decided a decision which was to decide to continue his vacation rather than taking action.

McCain’s Gamble

I know that conservatives are probably thrilled about McCain’s choice of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate, but I honestly think the decision will lose McCain the election.

The best argument that McCain has against Obama is that he is too inexperienced to be President. Frankly, the only way McCain can win is to create enough doubt in voters’ minds about Obama. That strategy might have worked, but now it’s severely undercut by the selection of Sarah Palin.

McCain isn’t going to be able to use the inexperience argument very effectively when his running mate’s only experience is a stint as mayor and 1.5 years as Alaska Governor. If that wasn’t bad enough, she has no foreign policy credentials at all.

For a 72 year old hopeful President who has had cancer a couple of times, Sarah Palin in the “heartbeat away” seat is going to be a tough sell. Yes, a lousy pick didn’t cost George H.W. Bush the election in ‘88, but this is not the ‘88 election.

If McCain hopes to attract disaffected Hillary supporters with a woman he’s going to be sorely disappointed. If he just wanted to shake things up by nominating a woman, someone more credible and experienced like Kay Bailey Hutchison or Elizaeth Dole would have been a far better choice.

Paris For Energy Czar

I love Paris Hilton’s response to McCain’s ridiculous “celebrity” ad.  If I were advising her, I would have made it more of a satirical endorsement of McCain. Paris could have raved about the estate taxes she stands to save under McCain etc. Notwithstanding Hilton’s rejection of my genius idea, her reponse works well. She even proposes a rational sounding energy policy.

Of Republicans and Celebrities

I’m so glad that John McCain has informed the public that Obama is too much of a celebrity to serve as President. We all know that Republicans would never support a celebrity for higher office.

McCain’s Dangerous Incoherence

Like many liberals, my view of McCain has been that I may not like him, but I could live with him because he has to be better than Bush. If McCain had beaten Bush in the 2000 GOP primary I believe that the country would be much less worse off than it is now.  I disagree with McCain on many, many things but I’ve always felt like the Senator can at least steer the nation competently.

However, the growing volume of foreign policy gaffes and gibberish emanating from John McCain has me worried. I am worried that we might actually hire this guy to be our military’s Commander-In-Chief and run our foreign policy. I’m worried that too many voters allow themselves to be distracted by phony issues and war stories to pay attention to what McCain has been saying. At some point a series of verbal gaffes and miscues ceases to be funny or “authentic”  and becomes cause for alarm.