Obama Has al-Qaeda Worried

The news that al-Qaeda is not enthused about Obama’s victory must have conservatives scratching their knuckle-heads. Obama, you will remember was the candidate whose dangerous naivete would make us more vulnerable to attack. His habit of “palling around with terrorists” was practically an invitation to commit another 9/11.

I think that al-Qaeda is concerned about the incoming Obama administration. Worried that the U.S. will finally have a president who takes terrorism seriously, they have already begun to lash out.

I wonder what that crazy lady, the one who told McCain that she couldn’t trust Obama because “he’s an Arab” thinks about all this. Actually, I bet she doesn’t think anything about it because a) she doesn’t seem to be much of a thinker and b) chances are she doesn’t read the New York Times.

If al-Qaeda’s endorsement of John McCain wasn’t enough to do it, their racists insults against our President-elect should erase these harebrained notions from the public consciousness once and for all.

What’s Up With McCain?

Did John McCain have a TIA (Transitory Ischemic Attack) on-stage?

Memo to the DNC

You already knew how the Republicans were going to attack Obama at their convention. The real lesson to be learned from the GOP is about Sarah Palin.

Yes, we all thought it was a stupid mistake but now their Palin strategy is clear. McCain is the maverick who can reach across the aisle. Sarah Palin is the ideological heir of George W. Bush. Besides picking apart Palin’s sorry record, you need to portray her as the second coming of Bush just a heartbeat away. Palin’s presence on the ticket is just what you need to cement the narrative McCain-Palin as four more years of Bush.

Go for the jugular!

McCain’s Acceptance Speech

My friends, did I mention I was a POW? You might not have heard since I’m so reluctant to talk about it.

My wife has been irate at me for burying my nose in the computer during the RNC for the past couple of nights, so I have to record my thoughts about McCain’s speech after the fact.

I didn’t have high expectations for him, not after Rudy and Sarah the pit bull last night. I didn’t have high expectations for Cindy either and she did not disappoint.

Side note: who was that Iraq vet holding the sign up in the nosebleed section? He’s my new hero.

McCain didn’t tell his party everything they wanted to hear tonight. Actually, he took a big risk by telling the faithful a lot of what they didn’t want to hear. McCain deserves credit for acknowledging some of the GOP’s failings. Time will tell if he’s made his stamp on the party or if he’s just another Bob Dole.

McCain tried to mock Barack once or twice, after promising to respect him. He should leave the base baiting to Palin. Honestly, I think McCain nearly lost the crowd a couple of times so flaccid was his delivery. He recited the usual litany of conservative grievances on taxes, schools, drilling, reform, spending etc. Mix that with a healthy dose of patriotism and that about sums up the speech. It’s not easy trying to reject Bush and embrace change in a Democratic year when your opponent is as dynamic as Obama.

The best part was the manly American crescendo at the end about standing up or something. McCain seemed to show a quality closely resembling passion.

B-

Diary of a Masochist part deux

Deux – that’s elitistese for two.

Here I am again, hips parked confidently on my sofa in eager anticipation Sarah Palin’s acceptance speech. The killa from Wasilla. The Governor of the corrupt great state of Alaska. Beautiful state, shitty government. Caribou Barbie is going to be our 45th President. A 72 year old man has a 1 in 3 chance of not living until age 80. Maybe if Alaska secedes she can be it’s first female Vice-President.

8:10 – Flip Romney (stooge number one) is telling me that the problem with Washington is that it’s too liberal. I wonder if his magic underwear is too tight. Maybe it’s squeezing his brain because Flip appears to have forgotten who has been running the country for the last 8 years. The GOP is the party of ideas, not big brother. What?!?! Crappy ideas. Liberals are responsible for gas prices and the mortgage crisis. I need a break if I’m going to be able to stick around for Milfy McMooseBurger.

8:17 – USA! USA !USA! USA! McPalin is gonna kick the rest of the world’s ass!

Romney secretly wants McOld to lose so he can run again in 2012.

8:30 – Mike Huckabee (stooge number two) and Flip’s competition next time. Let us pray. Brother Fuckleberry sounds downright friendly. Ahhh, it’s so nice. What are they doing to me, playing good/cop bad cop? Talking to Europeans is bad. We’ll be talking to them a whole lot less when McCain is President. Mike liked FDR, Jesus and Elvis. Crickets. Next?????

9:11 (no joke!!) – Rudolph Giuliani (stooge number three). Skeletor is giving the keynote address. He supports McCain. Maybe he could give McLimp some cheating lessons. USA! USA!

McAncient has dedicated his extremely long life to national service. Did you hear that he was tortured and shot down? Stern look from Mc96yearoldmother. He was in congress too. Community organizers suck. Let’s mock Obama now. Rudy is being mean to my candidate. Rudy deserves a hot poker up the sphincter. Aww, what do I care, let them eat red meat. Skeletor has to get them all revved up for Moose Muffin. Obama may need on the job training but the VPILF sure as heck won’t!

9:17 – Drill, baby drill!!

9:20 – Rudy misquotes Harry Reid about the war being lost. I’m starting to get pissed off.

9:25 – McPalin is going to shake up Washington! How dare they ask whether Palin can care for her non-abstinent kids? Who is they?

9:30 – The Main event. Miss Congeniality is in the house! ShaaaaaWING!!!! I want to do her from behind while threatening to raise her taxes. She’s a christian and a bully! Woo hoo!!!

She sounds a bit robotic. Not saying anything surprising. Muffy’s accent is a little grating. She makes no effort to look like she isn’t reading off a teleprompter. Trig Track Toe off to Eyeraack we go. I like Sarah better when her hair’s piled up. Don’t wear it down anymore, please. There’s Todd, what a doofus. He supports drilling too.

9:38 – Pick it up baby, so far you’re a little underwhelming. I mean I had low expectations already, but come on. The little family introduction is going over like tax hikes. Did she just say Todd has a great package? Jesus, we’re getting her Dad’s autobiography now. Missouri? You’re supposed to be ripping Obama, honey.

9:42 – Hockey, PTA, small town, good grief. She only did PTA for like one year. A small town (meth capital of Alaska) mayor is sorta like a community organizer except a mayor has responsibilities. Like showing your conservative credentials by raising taxes AND creating a huge deficit. By the way, she needed an administrator to help her run a town of 5,000. Do community organizers need those too? Finally some red meat. Let him have it! That’s it?

Not a member of the permanent political establishment (yet). Republicans just hate the establishment. Someone get me a drink. Barracuda wll serve the people. I’m so pissed off tonight I can’t think of anything funny to say.

9:47 – Leave the nation better than she found it? Somebody tell Bush. Palin says she has integrity. Apparently that’s good enough for the repugs. Sarah the reformer! She shook it up. The government of Alaska is now on the side of the people. OK, here’s the list of accomplishments. Wake me up in ten minutes.

11:00 – Damn, parental duties interrupted the second half of boring speech. I know I missed all the good stuff. Will read all about it in the liberal media tomorrow.