I Can’t Wait Another 2 Months

I’m sick of Bush and Cheney ruining my country. The sooner they’re gone the better. Here’s my evil three step plan to get Obama in the White House now.

Step 1: Dick Cheney resigns.

Step 2: Bush appoints Obama to be Vice-President. Senate confirms overwhelmingly.

Step 3: Bush resigns and Obama succeeds him immediately.

The nation is crying out for leadership. If Bush gives a crap about America and wants to help Obama start digging us out of this hole, he’ll follow this advice rather than spending the next two months pardoning criminals, burrowing his political appointees into federal agencies, rewarding cronies, issuing destructive executive orders and relaxing regulations. I can’t really think of a valid reason for him to remain in office any longer.

W.W.G.W.B.D?

This is a little old, but I present it in honor of our 43rd President, who will soon be retard so he can git ta wurk own his lieberry. In a completely twisted sense, I’m going to miss him. Palin 2012!

The World’s Greatest Ass

Move over Kim Kardashian. At last the great question has been answered. The world’s most beautiful bottom belongs to Melanie Nunes Fronckowiak of Brazil. Melanie’s great achievement was recognized in a Paris posterior pageant run by Sloggi. Her bum is definitely a sight to behold. Pay no attention to the guy standing next to her. My rump is sexier than his.

This angle puts THE derriere in perspective. Wow!

This one is my favorite. If you still don’t agree that this is the most wonderful sitting device ever affixed to a human, this closeup of the champion will help you recognize it’s power. Do you detect a flaw? NO! It is perfect in every way.

Bow down before the butt. Still not convinced? Try this on for size. Uh huh.

As if you required anymore persuasion, here’s my girl reveling in her victory. What poise, what confidence. Her hiney rules and she knows it.

Ronald McDonald on Acid

Warning! Do not watch this if you are on drugs.

A Prescient Molly Ivins Column from Nov. 4, 2004

I still miss her. Molly certainly saw this coming.

AUSTIN, Texas – Do you know how to cure a chicken-killin’ dog? Now, you know you cannot keep a dog that kills chickens, no matter how fine a dog it is otherwise.

Some people think you cannot break a dog that has got in the habit of killin’ chickens, but my friend John Henry always claimed you could. He said the way to do it is to take one of the chickens the dog has killed and wire the thing around the dog’s neck, good and strong. And leave it there until that dead chicken stinks so bad that no other dog or person will even go near that poor beast. Thing’ll smell so bad the dog won’t be able to stand himself. You leave it on there until the last little bit of flesh rots and falls off, and that dog won’t kill chickens again.

The Bush administration is going to be wired around the neck of the American people for four  more years, long enough for the stench to sicken everybody. It should cure the country of electing Republicans.

And at least Democrats won’t have to clean up after him until it is real clear to everyone who made the mess.

In some circles, that will be seen as sour grapes. But in Texas, we’ve been losing elections to the demagogic triad of God, gays and guns long enough to be pretty cynical about how it works out. I’m sure millions of Americans voted for George W. under the honest impression that he stands for moral values – family, patriotism, faith in God. I’m sure it’s the Democrats’ fault that such a silly ruse is allowed to stand. What Bush actually does stand for is nicely summed up by a rather common news story that got stuck on the business pages lately.